Wednesday, September 06, 2006
THAI-ing Up Loose Ends
(thanks maeve...)
So its all coming to an end...
My last week here in Wiang Sa i've been thinking a lot about what this experience was really like. I can't say I enjoyed every minute of it, but it also wasn't a complete disaster...how can I put it?
I absoultley love the people I've met. And it's hard to seperate those incredible experiences from the bigger role of the project, i'm not even sure if they should be completley seperated since our involvement in the community is a part of this project....But I can't say enough about Noot, Julie, Mel, Mem, Oil, Pa Pian, Uncle Jai, and all those other people who have such complicated names I will never be able to pronounce them....
First the teaching. After this I know i'll never go into teaching as a career, it's not that I dislike children or hate teaching itself, I'm just not cut out for the job. That is for sure. But it has also given me so much more respect for people who are actual teachers, and good ones at that. I look back at my experiences in high school and elementary school to those incredible teachers I had (Ms. Day in grade 5 at Southlands, Mr. Keenlyside in french at PG, Mr. Procyk in Biology at PG...etc) And i'm just even more amazed at their skills.
I think I would have appreciated the teaching aspect to this experience much more if I had acutally had some previous knowledge or training as to what I was getting into. I constantly compare it to swimming. If you're just thrown into a pool with no idea of what 'swimming' is, how to make the physical strokes, or have the knowledge of sinking or floating....you're going to hate every moment in that pool. But if someone explains to you how to float, and then introduces you to the skills needed to do the front crawl or tread water...well then the pool becomes a fun experience. In the teaching here I have defentily realized my limitations as an un-trained teacher. You can only do so many crossword and simon-says games, and the most frustrating moments are when you don't know how to teach a child vocab or sentance structure, things that would come with more training. So yes, I've defenitly gained a whole new respect for teachers, and not just in the fact they spend most of their days surrounded by little brats ;)
Also I've been thinking about this whole 'volunteering' experience. Anyone who knows me, knows i've been obsessed with everything international since I took my first POL260 course at UBC. the UN, MSF, Rwanda, Cambodia, Somalia, Diplomats, etc... and finally getting this introduction to the world of international volunteer experinces (be it the 'diet coke' Thailand GAP version or not) has been much more valuable for myself than any experiences i've had actually teaching.
It's hard to explain to someone who has never gone abroad for an extended volunteer placement, and i'm not trying to be cocky here or anything, but honest. In fact although lots of people think that its one big 'feel good' trip that by going abroad and volunteering your time and services you will come home feeling all fuzzy and good about your contribution to the world. Not really. In reality you learn a lot more about failure than success. It's hard to explain, but imagine you wake up every morning and think about what you have to do that day. Well not only teach english to kids, but give them the skills, confidence and will to use these skills to further their education and lives. Well, i'm pretty sure i'm not going to tick off that task as complete today. So before you even opened your eyes you feel that sense of failure. This isn't even taking into consideration the other tasks you have to do to get yourself through the day. Find food to eat (hopefully edible), try to get daily chores done with access to water/electricity/soap/gas (take your pic depending on the day). Not to mention the langage barrier. What about communication ? Just to ask a question or engage in a sanity-saving conversation with another person it takes SO much energy and effort to do.
It was VERY overwhelming having so much failure during my first few months here. Personally and through the project. Some of the hardest times I had emotionally were when I let the failures get to me and cloud my mind. What saved me was when I eventually came to the realization that I loved the failures. What seperated myself from someone who would let the continuing failures really get to them and cause them to give up and go home was the fact that I actually enjoyed the failures. And just because I encountered a small failure that didn't mean that the whole project was a failure either! That kinda sounds weird, but what really happened was that I realized I was involved in something so much more than a simple task that I could "complete" with "success". A project like this is ongoing and the failures aren't in fact true failures, but just the continuing challenges. And I love challenges. Even more than I thought I did before this. So while I may have said (ok while I did say, a lot) that this or that sucked or I hated something about the project - really I just was feeling the challenge of working through a task that seemed to have no forseeable goal in the near-future.
So I guess i'm trying to say that I didn't do this project for any sort of altruistic reasons. I wish I could say that I felt a moral purpose while helping out in the rural schools of Thailand, but honestly I got involved, and stayed involved with this project because I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the challenge of putting others needs before my own, and working through cultural differences. Selfish? Yes. But is it really? Like one of my favourite books right now - Hope In Hell: Stories from MSF in the Field - a MSF volunteer who has been to some of the worst areas on earth said: "I hated everything about my first assignment, but at the same time I loved every moment of hating it" I can't explain how true that is.
The first month I was sure that I would need to find another career. How could I possibly want to go abroad again and work in this type of environment?? No thanks. But now i'm as addicted as ever. Just no more loud thai kids 8 hours a day please....
That being said i've had an AWESOME last week, the first bit was not fun with zero running water for 4 days (that's 5 without a shower for all keeping track) and then got a bit sick, but nothing that a few rounds of Cirpo couldn't clear up. Last night we went out for what the teachers told me was my going away dinner, but then it was another teacher's birthday...so I didn't figure that out. Regardless it was at an incredible restuarant built out of palm trees and bamboo shoots right on the Nan river. Nan right now is lit up with millions of little white lights and street markets since its Dragon Boat races weekend. We had an incredible dinner of baby corn & prawns in garlic, sweet and sour chicken and cashews, tom kai, flowered hotdogs (really good...trust me) and fried rice. I'm going to miss the Thai buffet style dinners....mmmm. Anyways i've got 2 days to finish watching my VCD's, send home a bunch of Thai junk, and pack up some stuff for India! I'm leaving Thailand in less than 48 hours!!!!
So its all coming to an end...
My last week here in Wiang Sa i've been thinking a lot about what this experience was really like. I can't say I enjoyed every minute of it, but it also wasn't a complete disaster...how can I put it?
I absoultley love the people I've met. And it's hard to seperate those incredible experiences from the bigger role of the project, i'm not even sure if they should be completley seperated since our involvement in the community is a part of this project....But I can't say enough about Noot, Julie, Mel, Mem, Oil, Pa Pian, Uncle Jai, and all those other people who have such complicated names I will never be able to pronounce them....
First the teaching. After this I know i'll never go into teaching as a career, it's not that I dislike children or hate teaching itself, I'm just not cut out for the job. That is for sure. But it has also given me so much more respect for people who are actual teachers, and good ones at that. I look back at my experiences in high school and elementary school to those incredible teachers I had (Ms. Day in grade 5 at Southlands, Mr. Keenlyside in french at PG, Mr. Procyk in Biology at PG...etc) And i'm just even more amazed at their skills.
I think I would have appreciated the teaching aspect to this experience much more if I had acutally had some previous knowledge or training as to what I was getting into. I constantly compare it to swimming. If you're just thrown into a pool with no idea of what 'swimming' is, how to make the physical strokes, or have the knowledge of sinking or floating....you're going to hate every moment in that pool. But if someone explains to you how to float, and then introduces you to the skills needed to do the front crawl or tread water...well then the pool becomes a fun experience. In the teaching here I have defentily realized my limitations as an un-trained teacher. You can only do so many crossword and simon-says games, and the most frustrating moments are when you don't know how to teach a child vocab or sentance structure, things that would come with more training. So yes, I've defenitly gained a whole new respect for teachers, and not just in the fact they spend most of their days surrounded by little brats ;)
Also I've been thinking about this whole 'volunteering' experience. Anyone who knows me, knows i've been obsessed with everything international since I took my first POL260 course at UBC. the UN, MSF, Rwanda, Cambodia, Somalia, Diplomats, etc... and finally getting this introduction to the world of international volunteer experinces (be it the 'diet coke' Thailand GAP version or not) has been much more valuable for myself than any experiences i've had actually teaching.
It's hard to explain to someone who has never gone abroad for an extended volunteer placement, and i'm not trying to be cocky here or anything, but honest. In fact although lots of people think that its one big 'feel good' trip that by going abroad and volunteering your time and services you will come home feeling all fuzzy and good about your contribution to the world. Not really. In reality you learn a lot more about failure than success. It's hard to explain, but imagine you wake up every morning and think about what you have to do that day. Well not only teach english to kids, but give them the skills, confidence and will to use these skills to further their education and lives. Well, i'm pretty sure i'm not going to tick off that task as complete today. So before you even opened your eyes you feel that sense of failure. This isn't even taking into consideration the other tasks you have to do to get yourself through the day. Find food to eat (hopefully edible), try to get daily chores done with access to water/electricity/soap/gas (take your pic depending on the day). Not to mention the langage barrier. What about communication ? Just to ask a question or engage in a sanity-saving conversation with another person it takes SO much energy and effort to do.
It was VERY overwhelming having so much failure during my first few months here. Personally and through the project. Some of the hardest times I had emotionally were when I let the failures get to me and cloud my mind. What saved me was when I eventually came to the realization that I loved the failures. What seperated myself from someone who would let the continuing failures really get to them and cause them to give up and go home was the fact that I actually enjoyed the failures. And just because I encountered a small failure that didn't mean that the whole project was a failure either! That kinda sounds weird, but what really happened was that I realized I was involved in something so much more than a simple task that I could "complete" with "success". A project like this is ongoing and the failures aren't in fact true failures, but just the continuing challenges. And I love challenges. Even more than I thought I did before this. So while I may have said (ok while I did say, a lot) that this or that sucked or I hated something about the project - really I just was feeling the challenge of working through a task that seemed to have no forseeable goal in the near-future.
So I guess i'm trying to say that I didn't do this project for any sort of altruistic reasons. I wish I could say that I felt a moral purpose while helping out in the rural schools of Thailand, but honestly I got involved, and stayed involved with this project because I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the challenge of putting others needs before my own, and working through cultural differences. Selfish? Yes. But is it really? Like one of my favourite books right now - Hope In Hell: Stories from MSF in the Field - a MSF volunteer who has been to some of the worst areas on earth said: "I hated everything about my first assignment, but at the same time I loved every moment of hating it" I can't explain how true that is.
The first month I was sure that I would need to find another career. How could I possibly want to go abroad again and work in this type of environment?? No thanks. But now i'm as addicted as ever. Just no more loud thai kids 8 hours a day please....
That being said i've had an AWESOME last week, the first bit was not fun with zero running water for 4 days (that's 5 without a shower for all keeping track) and then got a bit sick, but nothing that a few rounds of Cirpo couldn't clear up. Last night we went out for what the teachers told me was my going away dinner, but then it was another teacher's birthday...so I didn't figure that out. Regardless it was at an incredible restuarant built out of palm trees and bamboo shoots right on the Nan river. Nan right now is lit up with millions of little white lights and street markets since its Dragon Boat races weekend. We had an incredible dinner of baby corn & prawns in garlic, sweet and sour chicken and cashews, tom kai, flowered hotdogs (really good...trust me) and fried rice. I'm going to miss the Thai buffet style dinners....mmmm. Anyways i've got 2 days to finish watching my VCD's, send home a bunch of Thai junk, and pack up some stuff for India! I'm leaving Thailand in less than 48 hours!!!!
# posted by Laura Davies : 1:03 PM
