Friday, November 24, 2006
Here's to Looking at You Babe
Ok time for my bi-annual travel blog rant.
In India men dominate women. It's obvisously a simplification of a much more complex relationship, but for Westerners to understand the relationship they have to think in terms of property. Property that is owned, used, and controlled. Justina and I haven't figured out if its because we're two white girls traveling alone, without male companionship that we get started at constantly by Indian men, or what. But its honestly a fact that every man, high or low caste, young or old, Rajasthani or Bengali, rich or poor, will stop everything and stare at us. Wherever we are, whatever we're doing and whatever we're wearing. They don't want to talk to us (beyond "wha country yo fom?"), they don't want to touch us. Just stare. And this isn't the passive glances travellers usually get in foreign countries. Looks of curiousity, intrigue and confusion. These looks are acts of aggression. Justina is reading Life of Pi right now and pointed out the quote, "In every animal species as in humans, staring is an act of aggression." And that is exactly what it feels like everytime a man stares at me. Aggression. Exactly the same as if he slapped me in the face or placed his hand on my chest. It's pure aggression to assert his dominance over me. And when this happens minute after minute, day after day, every single second you are out in public, it wears you down to a point where we either submit or rise to their aggression level.
An ordinary bus ride from one city to another (that we've done dozens of times in the past 3 months) provides a perfect example. We sit in our seats on a basically empty bus, and within a minute all the seats and the isle around us is full of Indian men. The rest of the bus still empty. The prospect of spending 6 hours being visually undressed and threatened is too much for Justina, so she decides she'd rather put her scarf over her face for the whole ride. See no evil. I turn on my iPod to distract myself from it all - but none of it works The man in the sleeper bunk accross and above us sits proped up on his elbows leaving the sliding door open just to stare at us. I catch him and try to return the stare and he looks away. But I keep glaring at him, knowing by his constant blinking and shifty eyes that knows i'm still starting. I just want him to feel the uncomfortable feelings of constant staring. After staring at him for 2 minutes i go back to my book, and and within 5 seconds he staring at me again. I catch him again, he looks away, he looks back, I catch him... see the pattern developing for the next 6 hours??? Then there is the guy who decides to stand in the isle 30cm away from me and bend over so his head is 10cm from my face. I tell him to move his head, he doesn't, so i hit his arm and physically meet his staring aggression and move him out of my way. He still doesn't move so I kick him in the ankle and point away and say "OUT". He moves towards the back of the bus - probably only 50cm behind me and still staring - but you pick your battles.
It's not only on busses and trains. It's walking down the street, it's at the internet cafes, it's the Army Cadets swarming you at a museam, its the millions of men who do nothing but sit on the side of the roads waiting to die and stare at you to pass the time. It wears Justina and I down to a point where there are days we don't want to even go outside to walk to dinner. When one more "tsst tsst" from a guy on a motorbike provokes an outburst from me beyond any reasonable reaction. I never knew this point existed in me, but then again I never knew India either.
It's not like this happens everyday, it's just that its such a big part of traveling in India as a female, I thought I needed to share it.
So there you go. Now i'm a hippie AND a feminist. Thanks India.
